so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As shirtless as possible
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
