Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
