I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
