In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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