I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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