Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
