okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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