I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
