I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
