so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
