Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
