If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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