I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize