Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
