I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize