I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
