i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
