I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize