I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
