Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
