Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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