Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
