tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
