pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
