I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
