and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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