Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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