dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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