I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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