so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
