Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
