two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
