I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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