True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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