So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
