I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
