I forgot how hot balto sounded
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
