This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
