I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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