just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
