Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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