Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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