Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
