We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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