i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
