Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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