HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
