No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
