is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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