Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
