He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
