I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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