I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
