My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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