Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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