As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
