Why are handjobs necessary in class?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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