sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
