I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
