we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
