I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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