so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
