Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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