Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so that wasnt chicken after all
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
