So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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