i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
