i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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