Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
porn star boner night. come get it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
