Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize