im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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