I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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