i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
