We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
