Say something about gay babies.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
