How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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