Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
