i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize