Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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