babies were throwing up all over the place
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
