Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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