He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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