If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
