I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
