I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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