my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
