Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize