Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
