O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize