would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
