I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
