Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
